Ashlie at First

Knowing Joy

Last week Kitty and Ed Lyon, the couple facilitating our discussion in Sunday School, asked each of us to define “joy.” We began talking about why it is not often that you hear someone say, “I am joyful.” We discussed where you can see joy, how it is different from happiness, where love and gratitude fall into the mix and what leads us to experience joy.

This dialogue could have gone on for hours but 10:30 was quickly approaching and in closing Kitty shared this story…

There was a lawyer in the 1800’s who needed to move his family to England for a business opportunity. For one reason or another, he sent his four daughters and his wife ahead of him and the ship they were traveling on tragically sunk in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. All four of his daughters died. While the man had every reason to be bitter and hateful, he responded to this incredible loss by writing the hymn “All is Well With My Soul.”

Kitty paused, looked up at us and said, “This is how I define joy.”

I have held this perspective close to my heart all week. As many of you know, my younger brother was killed in a car accident in 2002; he was only 19 years old. Over the years a lot of people have asked whether my family ever felt anger towards the driver who ran the red light and “caused” the accident. The answer to that question has always been, “No.” Until Sunday, I have never been able to articulate why.

Likewise, there are so many people I come in contact with who are facing emotional and physical battles of their own. There are high school girls burdened by immense pressures from parents and peers. There are loved ones struggling with mental illness. There are people waging seemingly hopeless battles against aggressive cancers. There are families and businesses still devastated by the financial crises of the Great Recession. There is unyielding partisanship within our government. There is environmental and economic devastation along our Gulf Coast. There are people without homes, children without food, women desperately searching for opportunity... The river of tears could flow on, and on.

Perhaps the reason we still see smiles, experience happiness and feel hope is because we are joyful. And perhaps the reason we are joyful, despite all opposing factors and circumstance, is because like Kitty pointed out, “All is Well With Our Souls.” 

“Remember, the entrance to the sanctuary is inside you.”

Like so many other things in life, when you are physically away from the church, you start to feel emotionally far away from the church. Mike and I have been traveling over the past couple of weekends, which means we have missed Sunday School Classes, Church Services and (sorry) Blog Posts.  Up until a last minute change of plans, we were scheduled to be out of town last weekend as well, which would have marked the third week in a row that we were not in church.

After realizing this early Saturday morning, I had a couple of thoughts.

1. It’s a good sign. You may recall that prior to this year I have never attended church with any regularity. The fact that I was slightly freaking out about missing church for a third Sunday in a row is definitely significant.
2. In a reading from earlier this week I came across the quote, “Remember, the entrance to the sanctuary is inside you.” My relationship with God feels so alive when I am inside the walls of First Pres. Having been away for so long, the quote reminded me to be cognizant of the vitality of my relationship with God far beyond our buildings.
3. I can finally catch-up with Peggy Matthews now that she is back from sabbatical! If you have not spent time with Peggy I will borrow words from Ashley Staton to describe her, “Peggy just has a way about her.” Prior to her break, we met for dinner and in addition to prayer she left me with some great points to ponder. I have been anxious to hear what Peggy uncovered while she was away. I have also been excited to let her know about some grace-filled moments that have unfolded in my life since she’s been gone. 

All said... I will keep working on my internal sanctuary, but looking forward to being back with all of you again this Sunday and hearing Rhonda deliver her last sermon as part of the FPC staff. 

Make time to “hear the sweet music God whispers when you fall asleep at night.”

When I decided to kick-off “momentary sabbaticals” two weeks ago, I pulled some old books out of the drawer by my bed. They were books that have offered inspiration in the past but (unfortunately) they have not recently been given the chance to see the light of day. The passage below is from one of those books. I stumbled upon it indirectly Monday morning and was struck by its intense relevance and specificity.

These are the types of questions I feel we should ask ourselves daily. These are the treasures that tend to get lost in life’s cracks.

Between a personal quest for sustainable authenticity, Sid’s sermon on Sunday about the current environmental disaster and a dear friend who continues to teach by example the immense power of listening… I am touched.

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These days everyone is so busy. You try to do so many things at once… every moment pulses with a staggering amount of business. Whether it’s the world of computers, emails, faxes and cell phones, or the world of TV and sound bites, everything is moving so fast. For what?

Communication.

This is the age of communication. There are seminars on communication. There are theories on the art of communication. Everyone is communicating.

With whom are you communicating? What connectedness do you feel with all these communications? With whom do you feel truly connected… where do you feel united?

Perhaps you are like a horse that starts out trotting, then cantering, then galloping, then galloping faster and faster until you are racing flat out as though knees are digging into your ribs and spurs are cutting into your flanks. But who is whipping you? Who is whipping you into this frenzy?

So many households are running to keep up with themselves. So many businesses are rat races. With all this happening, who has time? Who has time to listen to the wind sweep through a canyon, to listen to an ailing palm tree or to the silent song a pebble sings on the pavement? Who has time to help the poor or to feel the burden the earth carries?

Who has time to notice the silent tears of a hungry bird? Who has time to listen to the prayer of jasmine flowers or to relish the delicious grapes of the vineyard? Who makes time to watch the moon rising, to behold the sunrise and the sunset?

Who has time to hear the affectionate words of loved ones, to listen as a little child talks about her time in school, or even to listen to the sound of your own breath? Who makes time to sit with elders by the campfire, hearing old stories? Who has time to hear the sweet music God whispers when you fall asleep at night?

Rocking Spaces

I spent some time on our front porch last night rocking and thinking. I had a chocolate chip cookie, a mug of mandarin tea and Addie resting contently at my feet. It was warm, but comfortable, and other than the sound of the breeze and the bullfrogs croaking in the creek nearby, everything was quiet. I made a mental note, "this is powerfully perfect."

 

As summer gets underway and everyone starts to head this way and that way, the journeys of two women, both of whom are very dear to our church, have been on my mind. They have recently embarked on a sabbatical, a concept I have been familiar with for years, but one I have never explored with much depth… until now.

 

As I sat and rocked, I started to think about what it really means to be on sabbatical and whether it is even a possibility for someone in the corporate world like me, or for the busy stay-at-home moms like so many of my friends. Lord knows we could all use one, but finding weeks of uninterrupted time seems about as likely as finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

 

But the longer I rocked, the more that perception changed. If a sabbatical is a deliberate and introspective pause taken with the purpose of gaining clarity of self and of the role we are meant to play in this world, why can’t I follow in the footsteps of our two church leaders – weeks worth of time, or not? And with that, I officially decided to go on sabbatical too!

 

For the next three months I am going to embrace what I will call momentary sabbaticals. Whether they occur when I am driving across town, over quick weekend getaways or when I am right back where I was last night, quietly rocking on our front porch, I will find small windows of time that can be spent with intention. My goal is to focus on how I can work less at impression management and more on spiritual awareness and authentic expression. Anna Quindlen once offered, “The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” I trust that even brief pauses, simple “rocking spaces,” will make enough room to initiate this type of change.

 

Dolly and Peggy… thank you for being a source of inspiration. Perhaps at the end of the summer you will join me on our front porch. I would love to “rock” alongside of you and hear what you have uncovered about yourselves that will enable you to bring new perspectives to contemporary worship and to the spiritual journeys of older women. Likewise, I hope I will have identified new ways to serve our church and this wonderful community that has given me so much.

A random thought

Somewhat random, but have you ever thought about all of the people, in all of the churches, in all of the states, countries and languages who recite the same prayer on Sunday morning? Powerful stuff!

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. 

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. 

For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, forever.

Amen

I don’t know why this is/was on my mind, but it encouraged me to do some quick research on why Presbyterians use the term debts vs. trespasses…

The Lord's Prayer is found in both Matthew's and Luke's Gospels, and in the original Greek they used two different words that mean "to sin." In Matthew's version the word used means "to owe a debt," but a debt of sin, not money. (www.pcusa.org)

After the request for bread, Matthew and Luke diverge slightly. Matthew continues with a request for debts to be forgiven in the same manner as people forgive those who have debts against them. Luke, on the other hand, makes a similar request about sins being forgiven in the manner of debts being forgiven between people. The word "debts" does not necessarily mean financial obligations as shown by the use of the verbal form of the same word in passages such as Romans 13:8.

In Aramaic the word for debt is also used to mean sin. This difference between Luke's and Matthew's wording could be explained by the original form of the prayer having been in Aramaic. The generally accepted interpretation is thus that the request is for forgiveness of sin, not of supposed loans granted by God. Asking for forgiveness from God was a staple of Jewish prayers. It was also considered proper for individuals to be forgiving of others, so the sentiment expressed in the prayer would have been a common one of the time.

Anthony C. Deane, Canon of Worcester Cathedral, suggested that the choice of the word debts, rather than sins, indicated a reference to failures to use opportunities of doing good. He linked this with the parable of the sheep and the goats (also in Matthew's Gospel), in which the grounds for condemnation are not wrong-doing in the ordinary sense but failure to do right, missing opportunities for showing love to others (Matthew 25:31-46).

"As we forgive...". Divergence between Matthew's "debts" and Luke's "trespasses" is relatively trivial compared to the impact of the second half of this statement. Jesus taught that the forgiveness of our sin/debt (by God) is contingent on how we forgive others. In case this is not clear enough Matthew reiterates (Matthew 6:14-15). Later, Matthew elaborates with Jesus's parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:23-35). In this parable, forgiveness from the king (God) is conditional on the servant's forgiveness of a small debt owed to him. The primary focus of this verse is forgiveness. (www.wikipedia.org)

Calming Spring Storms

I feel like I could have started every blog entry for the past two months with a similar theme. Something along the lines of, “Life has been absolutely crazy!” The fortunate and unfortunate part about this craziness factor is that it’s not just me. Granted we are in a season of change and transition, but everyone seems to be experiencing a particularly tough spring – one where stress and emotion are at an abnormally full state of “bloom.”

Throughout these long weeks there has been a consistent and rooting message coming from our FPC family. This message has come directly from the pulpit through sermons like the one Dolly delivered last Sunday in which she challenged us to reflect on what would happen if we all became real. It has come over the radio and by email with “Just a Thought” comments like, “Crisis brings back into focus what is important and what is not.”  And it continues to come in the form of event invitations – reflective opportunities like the Service for Wholeness and a (postponed) Women’s Retreat.

So during a season when perhaps many of us are trying to create our own answers… at a time when at least I feel like I am stuck in a repetitive bounce pattern between pride and defeat... I appreciate the reminders of what can calm these spring storms: becoming real, refocusing and restoring wholeness. 

For mom...

I am the oldest of three kids and was raised in a very close-knit family. Now that my baby sister has graduated from college, and my parents are officially empty nesters, I can see a physical and emotional emptiness that is present in my parents’ lives – my mom’s in particular. They are both really good about staying busy and pursuing hobbies, but not having any of us at home is a big change, and as we all know, change can be difficult.

When Sid quoted Carl Buechner on Sunday morning in saying, “You can kiss your family good-bye, and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind,” I knew it was something I wanted to repeat to my mom. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like it might also be worth repeating for many of you. So, the following letter is a message to all of the moms out there who, like mine, who are learning to navigate life with adult children. 

Dear Moms,

We recognize that we are at a point in our lives where things are moving so fast that it seems like we have no time left for you. We work, and play, and grow in your absence – all things you are accustomed to watching happen from just a few feet away. It’s understandable if you feel left in the dust, but trust us when we say, ‘We carry you with us wherever we go!’

Looking back, we know you were the reason we only suffered from the types of cuts and bruises that could be healed with a Peter Pan Band-Aid and a tender kiss. You were the person who gave us freedom to explore the world and, at the same time, protected us from so many of life’s complexities. There are innumerable ways in which we are excelling as adults thanks to the strong foundations you created throughout our childhood. Thank you for those safe places. 

You also pushed us to work hard, to dream big, and to love deeply. And though these gifts were never wrapped in a package and tied with a bow, today they are some of our most prized possessions. They afford us opportunities, passion, security and friendship. We may not acknowledge it nearly enough, but we know our successes and accomplishments are rooted in you.

And while we are big, and all grown-up, and quite good at acting like we are invincible, there are plenty of times when we still feel like little kids. Times when we miss being able to come to you in a pile of tears. Times when we wish you could ward off the bad guys by waving your magic “mom wand,” which always seemed to make everything better.

Yes moms, we do live in our own worlds now, just like you always hoped we would. But no matter the miles that separate us, or the days that pass without hearing your voice, your world will always live in us.

I/We thank you very, very much!

Love, 

Your Grown Kids 

A "Happy Book"

For some reason the last part of April and the transition into May has been crazy. I feel like I am going 100 miles an hour and being pulled in just about every emotional direction possible. While I recognize the need to pause and catch my breath, slowing pace is not always easy.

For me, this is where friendship comes into play. Thankfully there are people in my life that step-in and, in their own special way, encourage me to refocus and take a breather.

On Saturday I had the privilege of being with a group of women who did exactly that. We shared stories, laughter, tears and insight - all of which gave me reason to reflect. Our time together demonstrated the grounding power of faith and the value of life’s simplest moments.

One of the stories shared on Saturday afternoon was about a “happy book” that a girl kept in college. Long before Oprah made gratitude journals popular, she had the prudence to take note of the big and small things in a given day that made her happy. I loved the idea! So after a long and exhausting couple of weeks, here is the start to my own “happy book.”

(BTW: I am starring all of the places where FPC members come into play on this list – pretty remarkable!)

Wednesday:

• an Adobe design class
• a successful presentation at work

Thursday:

• finally finishing my blog entry*
• (little) Duncan Jones’ eggs* 
• a special four-legged house guest named Beatrice*

Friday:

• surviving the week
• a pampering pedicure
• porch time with Mike

Saturday:

• going to the farmers market with a best friend*
• running into mom, Julie, Lori and so many other people that morning*
• time with our Village girls*
• a powerful message from Jane Gibson* 
• a four hour car ride to Morehead City*

Sunday:

• lunch with my Grandmother at Beaufort Grocery
• fresh lettuce and farmers goat cheese from the Goat Lady Dairy
• Mike’s Dance Marathon meeting

Monday:

• a particularly good meeting at work
• scheduling an overdue appointment*
• yoga at Triad
• dinner with mom at Sushi Republic
• reflections and dream building with Ash*
• time with Addie

Tuesday:

• walking the loop with Elizabeth*
• learning new lessons*
• a successful match*
• a quick visit with Hannah

One of "those" people.

You know how in life there are people, and then there are “those” people… the special (and sometimes hard to come by) types who have this uncanny way of holding your attention. Perhaps it is their abundance of perspective, or maybe it is their deep seeded passion… regardless, there is something about them that manages to surprise, inspire, challenge and humble you in a remarkable kind-of way. Well, I think most would agree with me in saying Sid Batts is one of “those” people.

Sid graciously sat down with me earlier this week and allowed me to bombard him with questions (one of my all-time favorite activities)! He also gave me permission to share our discussion with you. So here is a grab-everything-I-could-in-one-hour snapshot into the man behind the pulpit.

Sid Batts is a well spoken, well dressed Ivy League scholar who enjoys spending his free time playing golf and studying social and cultural theory. In addition to being published himself, he is an avid reader, touting Malcolm Gladwell as one of his favorite authors due to Gladwell's “amazing ability to see around the curve and to synthesize ideas.” It is not surprising to learn Sid was president of the student body in high school, that he has delivered commencement addresses and that he strives to know all 3000+ members at First Presbyterian Church by name.

The neat thing is that this chic pedigree is only part of what makes Sid Batts one of “those” people. Balancing his impressive list of accomplishments is an authenticity, a warm-heartedness that makes him very approachable. Within seconds of hearing Sid speak, “southern” is obvious – both in terms of his accent and in the ways of his heart. Since graduating from seminary, he has led churches in North Carolina, Georgia and Alabama. He loves Gulf Coast cooking (oysters and shrimp being his favorites), and much to the delight of one lucky bidder at last Friday’s First Night auction, he makes a mean seafood gumbo. Sid does not carry a blackberry or smartphone device, “deliberately,” although he will admit to texting on occasion. He is the proud father of two girls, Meredith and Emily who live in Charleston and Atlanta respectively. He can hardly go five minutes without mentioning his wife Cathy, and his face lights up when the topic of his grandson even starts to crest the conversational horizon.

 

Q) What makes FPC different from other places you have worked… and from other churches in general?

A) There is a unique sense of loyalty here. First Presbyterian members truly love this church and they hold a deep reverence for those who came before them. Like a lot of Presbyterians, we are a group that strives to do things well; you don’t see many half-baked ideas coming out of here. But we are also doing a good job of taking some of the ‘headiness’ out of Presbyterianism and adding ‘hands’ and ‘hearts’ to our ministry.

 

Q) What would you say is our greatest strength?

A) First Presbyterian Church is a big enough tent that it can support a real diversity of membership. There is so much action here… it is truly like a 40 lane highway! Our members bring their own unique ideas and talents to the table and then pick a lane and go. Whether they like 8:30, 10:30 or the Rejoice worship service… maybe they enjoy volunteering at Hot Dish and Hope, at our Wednesday night suppers or at the winter emergency shelter. Whatever the interest, there is truly something for everyone at FPC.

 

Q) How about our biggest weakness?

A) I mentioned our size and the diversity of our membership as strengths, but these two things can also be weaknesses. We love that people find their lane in our 40 lane highway, but we also need to make a point of changing lanes periodically. I think we need to continue looking for ways to mix things up… we need to cross pollinate in order to build our internal community.

 

Q) In professional environments we are often advised to “leave work at work.” Does that apply to people in ministry and if so, is it advice you try to abide by?

A) I live it, I love it, but I try to keep it from being all-consuming. I deliberately turn email off at certain points in the day, which is why I don’t carry a blackberry. I try to avoid staying engaged 24x7 with everything that is happening at the church. And I have learned to compartmentalize. Typically, it is after I have taken the time to get away and clear my head that I feel like I am serving and leading at my best.

I should also note that the only reason I am ever able to turn work off comfortably is because we have an incredible staff. Martha has been with me since I came to First Pres, almost 10 years ago. Our leadership team has also been together for a long time. I feel like we do a good job of blending our strengths and our weaknesses; having a strong team is critical!

 

Q) Is there a lot of pressure on you (and your family) to be perfect all the time?

A) I want people to feel like they know me. I don’t want them to think I am something or someone I’m not, which is why I try to be the same person up in front of the congregation as I am in the privacy of our home. Like in every profession there are stereotypes you have to deal with… just look at bankers and politicians today. I can remember times in my life when those types of things bothered me, but I quickly learned the value of knowing who I was. You kind-of have to negotiate all of that stuff within yourself and identify who you are at your core. The same has always been true for Cathy and the girls. We’ve had the good fortune of living in communities where people accepted us for who we are, but we’ve also never shied away from encouraging the girls to be ‘normal.’

 

Q) Like any job, I’m sure there is a “business” element to what you do. Is it hard for you to separate the financial and political elements of your job from the spiritual elements?

A) This goes back to what I said about not letting my role here be all-consuming. My personal experience is also that larger churches tend to have less of the politics and drama than smaller churches. The way our session is structured helps. Rotating people in 3-year cycles can slow things down at times but it keeps us from having to deal with over-controlling entities who are trying to drive a single agenda.

 

Q) You are a great orator. Have you always been comfortable speaking in public?

A) Thank you, that is nice of you to say… and yes, I think I have always been fairly comfortable speaking in public. There are certainly times when I know what I’m trying to say is not working. I am also not great at going off-the-cuff, nor am I really in a position to do so very often. But for whatever reason I've never feared public speaking.    

 

Q) Can you tell me the process you go through in writing a sermon?

A) Typically I try to come up with one idea each week. I pull from the Lectionary, which is a collection of scripture that follows the liturgical cycle. I like to use that as a guide, and if we follow it we should end up going through the entire Bible every three years. For the most part though, I do try to grab hold of one compelling idea every week. On Monday I will start collecting an assortment of things in a folder: study guides, event handouts, inspiring comments and so forth. On Tuesday our worship planning committee will meet to select all of the hymns and confessions and anthems. Our hope is that come Sunday morning, people will be able to see one thematic element woven through every part of the service. When I leave the office on Wednesday, I take what was decided in worship planning and everything I have collected throughout the week home with me. Then I block out all of Thursday, about 10 hours of uninterrupted time, to write the actual sermon.

 

Q) Do you rehearse your sermons? In front of Cathy?

A) (Laughter) I used to rehearse them for Cathy but after a while I realized she has her own schedule and responsibilities to worry about. Plus, what an entire congregation is going to hear on Sunday morning should not be solely dependent on whether my wife thinks it’s a good message or a bad message. That being said, I do think it’s important to hear what something sounds like prior to delivering it to a congregation. A lot of times I will print my sermons and drive around with them in my car. If I come to a red light or just have a moment in the day I will read them out loud, to myself.  I also try to wake-up by 4:50am Sunday morning and read through everything again. That way I can be at the church by 6:00am ready to go.

 

Q) FPC has obviously gone through a tough couple of years in terms of the economy and the Great Recession. Can you talk about this from your perspective?

A) The financial burden we’ve been experiencing here at First Pres is definitely unprecedented… and we are not alone; everyone is struggling. You may not be aware of this, but back in 1997 we raised about $6 million dollars to build the Life Center. In 2003 we discovered the walls of our new facility were cracking, and after a series of inspections and surveys realized we had a major design flaw on our hands. Because of a calamity of errors, the entire building essentially needed to be rebuilt. We had a preservation fund and some money to pull from but in the end it cost us about $4 million. This was in 2005. We got a great Life Center out of it, but it meant we were not prepared to handle anything else. Then the Great Recession hit in 2008.

It has been painful, but we will get out of this. The big paradox in all of it is that the church, in the last couple of years, has really become the type of church we always thought it should be. We used to be a ‘Sunday Church’ and now we are a 24x7, 40 lane highway kind of church.

 

Q) If you could offer one piece of advice to new members, what would it be?

A) To jump in! There is so much going on here and our members are incredibly resilient. I want them to apply that resilient spirit to getting involved.

 

 

Post is coming...

Sorry, it has been a crazy week!  :)